December 17, 2006
my past, my future
Looking back my old photos, I've been losing weight. I'm only 45kg at this point. It's like my body weight when I was 15/16? Can't belief I've become so slim.I think everyone must have some dreams of their own since young. So what's mine? I was hoped I could go overseas for uni studies. Ever since I was a small kid in kindergarden, my father always told me I could go overseas to study Uni. And I belief that. I really did. When I was 15, once my father had a thought to send me to overseas to continue my high school studies. Or perhaps it just a flash back thought in his mind? I dunno. Becos I never heard such word from him ever since then. The problems started when I got a boyfriend he disapproved. We argued, in tears & pains. Things went really bad in those time. When I was 17, my father said to us that he would send me to Taiwan for 2-3 years then to America for 2 yrs for college studies. I felt so glad. Finally when I was graduated from high sch, I was hoping he would carry out what he "promised" to me. But, things never went smooth. He denied it all. A person called 'father' denied it all. As a daughter, I couldn't do anythng except totally disappointing towards my family & my own. I was so confused & totally clueless for what future would be. It was my dream ever since I had my own thought since young. And just when I thought I could make it, then they just destroyed & made my dreams died.
I know I made several mistakes. I trusted the wrong person again n again. My relationship with the boyfriend my family dislikes was ended after a bloody 2.5yrs. Hence I met a mature boyfriend straight after. He gave me so much different feelings from the things he did, the talks we had, the views we shared. He gaved me so much hopes. He made me belief that his love was genuine & never end. He told me I was the meaning in his life. (LOL!) Just like the lyrics from the song 'Illegal', 'u said u would love me until u die, and as far as I know u're still alive' He brokes my heart, into pieces. I had a darkest period where I dun have any trusted person to talk to. Where is the love? How about my dreams? I yelled it on my mind all the time.
I was resting my entire body, soul & mind for a nearly 2.5 yrs to work for my father. To escape from the crucial reality. I hoped the pain would ease, my heart would become stronger to accept others. Then I met my current boyfriend, Q. He is such a adorable guy. (LOL) I never felt this before. He is a very nice person, n he never failed to show me his loves & caring. My whole life has changed, since he came in. It was a dramatically changed. And a good one.
And now, I have to think about what should I do in my future. Who am I want to be.
Labels: thoughts
